


Company

by printfogey



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Self Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2012-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 18:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/printfogey/pseuds/printfogey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Introspective fic from Usopp's POV about what to do when you're not good company.<br/>Luffy + Usopp friendship, post-Thriller Bark, pre-Sabaody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Company

**Author's Note:**

> (Disclaimer: The characters and situations of One Piece were created by Eiichiro Oda and are owned by him as well. They are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only. This fanfic may not be used for profit.)

Usopp shivered as he stepped out onto the lawn deck, the grass stiff with frost under his shoes. He tightened his purple-and-grey woollen scarf and looked out across the gray waves. The weather had been like this for two days now – cold and raw and with very little wind, the air smelling like it might snow soon but without actually doing so. Snow might be nice – it could fall prettily enough and you could have snowball fights and build neat stuff with it. Of course there could also be blizzards and extremely slippery deck-boards and a lot of slush and certainly a lot of hard work with a shovel.

Still, at least snow would be a bit of a change, he thought dispassionately. Right now he didn’t really care one way or the other.

Dark thoughts came sometimes as they had always done, no matter how much you tried to step around them or shoo them away. Still they’d open up in your path when you least expected it, or fly at you with heavy wings like vicious birds attacking, or come up from below to clamp their jaws around your leg like a crocodile. Knowing how dangerous it was to listen to them didn’t stop them at all from turning up, and wasn’t any use in trying to make them go away. 

In the old days he used to go off by himself when they came too strong, when you couldn’t quite manage to smile and laugh and pretend things were fine until they were; when you knew you weren’t that much fun to be around. It had seemed more manly to deal with things himself anyway, like when he’d slunk off to his favourite spot by the cliff at home. Aboard Merry there hadn’t been too many private corners, but he’d take what he could find if the crow’s nest was already occupied, usually dragging the Usopp Factory with him for something to do until the thoughts went away.

He pushed his mittenless hands in his pockets and climbed the stairs up to the upper deck. It wasn’t like he didnt still feel that same instinct, the urge to go off and be alone until it passed. And unlike Merry, Sunny did have quite a few corners where you could be by yourself if you so wanted. Even for a rather social crew, nine people couldn’t be everywhere at once, and now Usopp had a whole room to himself, the main branch of the Usopp Factory Deluxe. It was there he came from now, in fact.

Because nowadays he did his best to fight that impulse, to dig in with his toes and strain stubbornly against the currents in his mind. He did this even when he’d find Chopper’s usually welcome admiration hard to bear, or when he’d just read disapproval into Zoro’s normal expression, whether it was really there or not. Sanji might sometimes glance at him with concern behind the toughness, and Nami could frown in a worried way that had nothing to do with money. But he didn’t know how to deal with that. 

Nami would usually try to smile and find some cheerful subject to talk about, so that was fine. Sanji, though, would sometimes look like he was trying to find a way to start asking Usopp questions, and that was dangerous. Rooting around in stuff wasn’t likely to make anything better. 

He glanced into the galley now as he passed. It looked warm enough, and whatever Sanji was cooking smelled good, but there didn’t seem to be anyone else in there. He shrugged and kept going, trudging slowly and looking out at sea as he walked. He might go join Robin in the library, if she was there. 

Robin’s quiet company was pretty good for times like this. Brook was usually fine, too, in his mood-shifting and often quite loud (but melodious) way, when he didn’t actually notice you weren’t feeling too hot. But when he did, he might offer emphatic advice which wasn’t any more wanted than Franky’s slightly more low-key words of wisdom. Usopp knew Brook had suffered terribly and that his spirit must be ungodly strong to have survived all that, but – well, maybe that was the problem. Brook was just _too_ strong.

And so was Luffy, he thought as he climbed the stairs to the uppermost deck by the main mast, where Robin’s frosty garden bed and his branch office were, not that any of those were much use in weather like this. In some ways, Luffy’s presence would remind him more than anything else about all the things he was not and could never hope to be. And yet, when the dark thoughts came it was Luffy he’d go seek out these days, more than anyone else. He’d do so stubbornly, almost forcing himself and yet feeling that’s what he needed. Fortunately Luffy didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss or didn’t let on that he noticed; but neither did he appear to mind that Usopp would be unable to even fake his usual high spirits. 

The observation room that was also the library was normally Nami’s and Robin’s domain – Luffy rarely went there. But on a cold day like this when he wasn’t in the galley and not in the boys’ room and not in the crow’s nest (that was Zoro as usual), he might have found himself something to do up there. 

Usopp had an uneasy feeling that maybe seeking out his captain’s company like this really wasn’t the manly thing to do, that maybe it would be better to face his dark thoughts on his own after all. Pride seemed to demand that, too. But all that easily faded against the fear that he’d be taken further away from where Luffy was again, the stream of his dark thoughts pushing him too far. 

So he’d go to wherever Luffy was (if he wasn’t right there already) and would put his hands in his pockets and lean against something or plop himself down. He wouldn’t talk half as much as usual, he’d just start by saying something simple like ‘Whatcha doing?’ or ‘It’s still two hours until dinner’ or ‘Brook’s promised to play us some polka tonight’. And Luffy would either start talking a lot, meaning Usopp only needed to add a few words here and there, or he’d be in a more quiet mood himself. Both ways were fine. 

Then Usopp would just sit there and slowly feel as if he was warmed up by a great fire that would never go out. Maybe that fire sometimes made his own spirit look like a tiny spark, and maybe his regular mind found it hard to argue at times when the dark thoughts insisted that Luffy didn’t really need him, it was obvious…. But he ignored those things and ignored his pride and stayed right where he was, because that was what he needed to be able to be useful again. And eventually the salty wind or the flapping sails or his captain’s smile or something else among all the things that were great and fun in the world would lift him up again, forcing that gruesome crocodile to let go and skulk away. But usually it would take some time.

Luffy looked up from the floor of the observation room as he entered. Luffy’s face lit up, or at least lit up even more. “Usopp! Look.” He held out something small and white with spots of brown on it. “It’s a teeny tiny bird! It’s been off flowing by itself and flew right into our sails and I stopped it from falling into the ocean! I took it inside because it looked really cold and I don’t think its feathers have all grown yet, look!” 

Usopp bent down to look closer. It really looked like a very young bird, its feathers all ruffled and probably too short or too soft to fly easily, Usopp would guess. It was shivery and wide-eyed, but wasn’t trying to break away from Luffy’s hands that were holding it and stroking it gently.

“Huh. It looks far too young to have been flying out by itself,” he said. Maybe its parents had died and it had been forced to take its chances before it starved to death in the nest. Wait – there could be a better reason. “It must be a really adventurous bird!” 

“Yeah!” Luffy agreed. “And stupid too, to fly right into our sails like that.”

“Maybe it just gets lost, like a bird Zoro,” suggested Usopp, sitting down with crossed legs and reaching out to hold the small thing. “But how could it fly all the way here?" he mumbled, as if talking to himself. 

"Yeaaah..." said Luffy, slowly, obviously thinking deeply. "But! We passed some really small rocks a while back when I was out. It must have started following us from there." He looked admiringly at the ragged little thing.

"I guess. Huh." Usopp hadn’t seen those rocks: that must have been while he was still in the workshop trying to get something done. "We should ask Sanji for bird food,” he found himself saying, then blinked a bit. He was talking just like usual again.

That was when he noticed the bird droppings on the floor not far away and, blanching, told Luffy that Nami would probably kill him if he didn’t clean up. Moments after that he found himself running out to go fetch a broom and a dustpan, a mop and a bucket, because their navigator was known to believe in guilt by association. Also, since it was the library Robin might actually be annoyed enough to raise an eyebrow and frown at them, saying something sarcastic. That would be pretty scary.

When he ran back to the observation room with all the cleaning tools, it started snowing, large downy flakes falling slowly from the great, gray sky. 

Usopp had to stop for just a moment, looking up. The snow never seemed afraid of falling.

He had to admit there were some times when the dark thoughts would go away pretty quickly. 

And maybe they could call the bird Snowflake…? But if he didn’t get a move on now, Nami would **seriously** kill them!


End file.
